Christian Relationships: interpersonal relationships rooted in Agape that are synergistically rewarding and mutually beneficial. Synergy is a mutually advantageous conjunction or compatibility of participants or elements (as resources or efforts) - Miriam Webster Dictionary 2009

Many people want to know “how to be a player”, but how many know how to be a friend, husband, or wife? In this ongoing editorial, Arianne Price will discuss the roles and responsibilities of being a good friend, sister, brother, wife and more. This column gives common sense advice on improving your interpersonal relationships. By using honesty, scripture and a dash of humor; Price will show you how to build prosperous relationships that increase and enhance your life and well being. The ABC's of relationship building with a Godly perspective.

Article:

Friendship Diagnostics by Arianne C. Price

As a child, there’s always that sad day when you come home in tears because of a fight with one of your ‘friends’. We learn early in life that friendships are a very delicate relationship. Our feelings are automatically put on the line for someone else to carefully step over or carelessly step on. How come some friendships last a lifetime, while others fizzle suddenly after conception? Why do some people enter your life as ‘friends’ and exit as insensitive, cruel, no good ignoramuses? Well, the answer to this question can be found in two words: Friendship Diagnostics.

You see, just like anything else in life you have to test it to figure out its identity, validity and compatibility. Today we will take a moment to test our current friendships. By the end of this short article you will know without a shadow of a doubt WHO your real friends are and who’s merely serving as a stunt double, stand in or understudy on the stage of your life. So, let’s run some tests to see what kind of relationships you have developed and how each one is affecting your overall health and stability.

My Grandma-Bea use to say “you are what you eat”. Meaning, whatever you put in your body will manifest itself in some way externally. The same can be said for the types of friendships we develop. Each new friendship we decide to cultivate into our lives will either help us or hinder us, there is no in between. That’s why we have to be careful and prayerful about whom we decide to link up with. That new ‘friend’ will either aid us in our journey or throw us off task, away from the path, pushing us behind schedule.

In the world of friendships there are 3 Different Types: Co-Dependent, Parasitic and Symbiotic. Let’s start with the Co-Dependent. A Co-Dependent friendship is one that is formed when two people are drawn to one another by mutual weaknesses or empty needs. It’s like being psychologically addicted to someone in an unhealthy way. I have had many relationships like these during my early college years. During my freshman year of college I was extremely troubled because I had some issues that needed prayer ;) I found myself hanging around a group of girls who loved the same thing I loved at that time: vodka shots! So, I began to form relationships with these ‘party girls’ and they soon became my friends. They were not my friends based on our deep affiliations, attitudes or beliefs; they were my friends because we all loved to party and we formed a bond to do so together. This is a prime example of Co-Dependent friendships. You tend to gravitate toward someone who will validate your issue, hang up or weakness and then the two of you feed each other’s void with pseudo destructive behavior. MANY teenagers develop these types of friendships. You should be mindful not to start relationships like these unless you want to be stuck in your old ways with no real progression and/or deliverance in certain areas of your life. Because, trust me, that friendship will immediately turn sour once you decide to change and the person you’re ‘friends’ with prefers the old messed up you over the new matured you.

Let’s talk about Parasitic Friendships. A Parasitic friendship is a relationship in which one person carries the weight of the friendship by supporting and sustaining while the other person selfishly sucks all the life from the sustainer. As children and as adults we find ourselves slipping into these very unhealthy relationships with people. I found myself in friendships like this time and time again, until I made up in my mind that I will not be deceived, used and abused by anyone else ever again. If you’re at all like me and you like having people around; you must be careful not to fall into this trap. Parasitic friendships leave you feeling depleted and deficient because all the love, attention and support you give to a person are never mutually returned. These friendships make you feel chronically empty handed when you are in need, because the ones whom you supported are nowhere to be found. Parasitic friends are users whose prime focus is to get all they can from you until there is nothing left and then once they are done; you are left empty, used and wounded.

Most of us can say we have experienced one or both of these previous friendships at some point in our lives. However, I am here to tell you that Co-Dependency and Parasitic Friendships are not God’s will for our lives. The only type of friendships that God wants us to cultivate are Symbiotic Friendships. Symbiotic friendships are friendships that yield mutual benefits, insights, understandings and undertakings. These are the types of friends who remind us of God’s love. These people bring clarity, joy, peace, wisdom and hope into our lives. All that they take from us, they deposit back in. Our relationship results in change, productivity and progress. Truth protects the integrity of these relationships, because these people tell you what you need to hear, instead of what you want to hear. Unlike the co-dependent and the parasite, these friends truly want the best for your life and make it their business to help you stay on task, while pushing you forward toward your destiny without hesitation, procrastination or intimidation. Every morning when I say my daily decree, I declare in the name of Jesus that all my interpersonal relationships are synergistically rewarding and mutually beneficial. I only want Symbiotic Friendships in my life; all others need not apply ;)

Your life, purpose and destiny in God are way too precious for you to allow sporadic loneliness to propel you into unequally yoked friendships with people. Just remember that God knows the desires of your heart and many times we have not because we ask not. So, if you read this article today and started checking off many friendships in your life that you KNOW are not mutually beneficial to you, then muster up the courage to make the appropriate changes in that area. Ask God to send people into your life that are predestined by Him to bring you joy, peace and wisdom. And pray for the discernment and clarity to repel those types of relationships that are merely stumbling blocks between who you are now and who God has called you to be.

Co-Dependent, Parasitic and Symbiotic; what type of friendships are you cultivating today?

In my next article we will dive deeper into the 4 Seasonal Symbiotic Relationships. Once we know our friendships are productive, we must then understand their individual purpose(s). Is this friendship for a reason, season, lifetime or lineage? We’ll find out next time, so come on back now, you hear!

-Peace & Increase

Arianne C. Price

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